Newly Diagnosed and Mommy Guilt

Since Morgan's "official" diagnosis I have spent, what feels like, every waking hour researching websites on autism, blogs and therapies. There is so much to learn and I want to learn it all as fast as possible so we can help our Morgan girl learn. She is at such a crucial age now so I want to take advantage of it while I can.

In my research, I find the blogs of so-called "Autism Moms" the most compelling. It's nice to read the stories of others out there like us. Moms who have dealt with the questions, the diagnosis, diets, therapies...to really find what works best for their child(ren) and their families. There are many opinions out there on what works and what doesn't (more on that in later posts), but mostly I like reading about these women for inspiration and their kindred-spirits. As we have yet to dive into the autism community in our area, these blogs are my connection to families like mine and kids who "look" like my girls. They are surviving and many are thriving. It's about holding on to hope for a good future for my little girl.

As I slog through all the information out there, there is some Mommy guilt too. I was reading through some milestones for Piper for her age and came upon the statement "can name one body part." I thought, oh, we've got that covered. I put Piper on my lap and said, Piper, show me your nose! To my surprise she totally ignored me, busy looking at the book she had in her hand. I quietly freaked out a little. A few months ago she had this down, ears and eyes too! Did she forget? Possibly. Oh, no, more freaking out. Since then I've gotten her to show me her nose once and she says very sweetly, "no-, no-". OK, so she can say it, that's good. We're not out of the woods with her yet on the neuro-typical (NT) front so that fear is still there.

I'm also feeling guilty for not moving forward more quickly with the RDI therapy for Morgan. Per the book we have, we're working in the first few activities into our overall communication, but looking ahead I'm a little intimidated by the lessons and whether I'll be able to execute them well enough for her to learn. We've been given a contact in the area who consults on this therapy...though it may cost us some money, we may give it a try to use the consultant. It's not as costly as some therapies who require many hours of one-on-one time, but at least this consultant can make sure we're on track and Morgan is making progress. More research on that to do...

This is what is keeping me busy lately. Very busy.